on becoming.

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she’s grown so much in the last 2 years.  she’s an amazing girl whose life fills our hope full.  we gain so much from her presence, and our hearts are so full.

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her big brother protects her from danger.  he sings to her and calms her and brings the heartiest laughs.  she loves him so and gets excited when we pick him up from school each day.

and i’m a mama whose heart is full.  these two bring such joy to life.  they pull from me resources i did not know i had.  they push me hard, and i love them for all of it.  my bowl is full of life and love.

with so much fullness, the contrasting moments of questioning and doubt are stark.  my wild, gypsy soul is seeking space to dance and move.  they help me to dance and move.  on my own i think i need to claw my way through life, ready for the next shoe to drop.  she brings me her sparkly dancing shoes and i help her put them on her feet and we move together.  he looks at me on a pms day and names what he hears in my voice – “mom, you sound grumpy.” “yes, yes i do…and i am not grumpy or angry with you.  just feeling the grump.”  he eases my pace.

for a while i have felt on a “autopilot” course in life, and i’ve been thankful for the break.  to just move through routines and get things done.

now is the time to listen to the inner stirrings.  i long for an “ease of being” and balance to my movements.  i long for fun and lightheartedness.  this ease of being concept was a gift fluttering into my inbox from a friend.  her gentle ways of sharing help me to name what i am longing for.

these days an ease of being means simplifying.  not just hiding the stuff that has walked into the house over the last decade, but holding it and moving it out.  making room for the ease to reside.  each time i start to move so much clutter, the clutter i’ve been holding inside starts clanging about and needs some good attention, too.  so i hold it and move it out as well.  wisdom speaks :: hold what is yours to keep and release what is no longer yours to carry. a version of daily wisdom :: know what is yours to carry and what is not. i certainly need to let go.  

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summer is my season.  i like it hot, near water, with grilled food and tank tops.  i like open toes and sand and grass.  i like pulling weeds and the breeze.  i like canning and farmers markets.  and i like taking it easy.

to have an ease of being, i’m setting a schedule.  i’m creating boundaries for myself and work ((because it’s all intermingled and i work too much)) and i want the time for these two precious beings to be theirs.  i want my art time to be mine.  and i want those good, soulful conversations shared at tables to have my fullest attention.  and i want to hear wisdom speak.  i want to have an ease of being such that when things turn upside down ((because, they do)) i am still steady on my feet.  i want the path i’m on to be one that carries the purest of intentions and the fullest of rewards.

i want those words that echo in the clutter of my mind to be good, healing, life-giving words.  and i want this so that what i return to the world is full of good, healing, life-giving action and art.

today you receive some hopes and intentions mixed with some gratitude.  somewhere in these words, i know you’re here with me.  thank you, wise tribe.  thank you, beautiful soul.  now to inhale deeply and celebrate a good, hot, soulful day where i am gifted these loves of mine.  where i celebrate these two beauties and my love.  where i can sit in the breeze and drink life in.

xo.

 

 

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